I've always struggled to understand the world and my place in it. Due to a lack of connection in a modern sense. Engaging with anything other than fear was difficult. Education, social experience, family, fun, work and partners. My perceived sense of self and position in this world were, and still are, hard to grasp. This world is more often than not toxic to my spirit. My mental challenges are invisible to my society, even my doctors struggle to assist me such is the lack of knowledge/understanding around what could be defined as Developmental Trauma Disorder.
Subsequently the stories and myths written by our western culture don't 'speak' to me. They are concerned with a particular type of 'success.' A nice car, house and appliances. Status is important. Perhaps that was the case in ancient cultures too. I'd have felt equally isolated. As a Viking I may have been more interested in raping and pillaging my internal environment, searching for symbolic rather than literal gold. It is not possible for me to thrive in a framework that values wealth, acquisitions and power. My goals have been about survival and coping with the extreme anxiety that lives in my body. I always thought I'd end up on the streets, I haven't yet and in my eyes that makes me a success. In a wider context I am potentially a failure.
So how am I to connect with this world if not by the current rules of my culture's dominant value systems? Perhaps through nature? Spirituality (whatever that is)? Music? Writing? Northern Soul Dancing or Go Karting? All of these things have become medicine to me, not a cure a medicine. Something that offers relief from the symptoms of violence and maltreatment while I'm partaking in an activity.
To see the things I do as medicine is profoundly powerful. No longer is my writing about success or accolade, my walk in the woods no longer about a destination or rituals and therapy about a solution. It's simple, I do it because it helps me feel better.
My medicine is a non dominant holistic non cure all. Through which I may strengthen my own personal stories and myths. I may also reject those that have been written by an establishment that has no interest in assisting its most vulnerable citizens. The Sagas I construct through medicine assist me to define who and what I am. Help shape my understanding of the world in which I exist (if indeed I do.) These narratives contribute to my growth as an individual and expand the places of internal peace amongst trauma and anxiety. My medicine is symbolic, magical in a placebo sense. This is the potential, by paying attention (even on a subconscious level) to the common sequences in an activity I can feel better about myself in relation to a world in which I find myself at odds.
This kind medicine is powerful. You might like to try and find your medicine. It may take time and it will be different to mine. Maybe you already resonate with this concept. No matter who you are or where you're at in regard to your healing journey keep searching. 'Medicine' has the potential to serve us all individually and collectively.